Olympic Fever

I find that there is something almost magical about the olympics. I enjoy watching sports, but mainly only soccer. Once the olympics come on, I will watch sports I've never heard of or would never watch by choice. (ie, curling, alpine skiing,speed skating, hockey...) And yet, here I am, cheering for the US curling team, watching the US men's hockey team beat Canada, and cheering for CHINESE pairs figure skating. Yes, I really wanted the cute Chinese couple to win, even if my brother called me a communist. Also, I actually got a little teary-eyed when Canada won its first gold medal, I mean really, but I was proud and excited for them. And heck, what about when they show the medal ceremonies, each time an American wins a gold and the flag goes up, and the National Anthem plays, it gives a sense of pride and emotion, something you wouldn't really expect, or at least I wouldn't. In times of turmoil or recession, or whatever, it makes you proud to be American, Canandian, or whatever, to see people representing your nation, doing their best, and making their families proud. (Don't you remember "Cool Runnings??") Anyway, I hope others are enjoying the Olympics and take a moment to feel good about the world coming together for some good old sports competition!!! :) Congrats to the US for doing so well!

Reality TV Has Ruined America

I like to say that reality shows/tv has ruined America, especially teenagers. Thanks MTV! (cue song "1985": and music still on MTV!) Geez MTV, haven't you ruined enough of America without introducing JERSEY SHORE! Why did you introduce these Darwin Award Winners to society. I've never seen the show...I'm too scared my IQ will actually drop 30 points if I do. Luckily, Joel McHale gives me highlights, or lowlights, from the show....Yeah for The Soup!

I would like to put special blame on Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, aka 'Speidi." They live in a delusional world and believe they really are famous. It is more like driving by a car wreck, you might slow down and see what is happening, but in the end, you keep on driving. I like to refer to them as stray cats...if you don't feed they will go away. Dear media outlets, stops giving them attention and maybe Speidi will GO AWAY! Addicted to plastic surgery?? She now looks more like a 40 yr old transvestite.

What about the Gosselins...who would have thought that Jon would actually make Kate look good! Ed Hardy can thank Jon for making their brand synonymous with "douche bag." That's gotta hurt.

Killing the Beast

This is the MOST important rule to abide by (other than #1: prevention). It might seem like a simple or obvious enough statement, but the point is to MAKE SURE the creature IS dead. How many times have we seen the horror movie sequel because the bad guy wasn't really dead? Or Maybe at the very end of the movie, when the survivors think they are home safe, we see a flash of a hook or sickle to finish the job. Here are some GUARANTEED tips to make sure your beast is dead.

#1 The Double Tap: Don't just shoot once, MAKE SURE he/she/it is down. Empty the clip into the head or heart. If you don't have a gun, hit it multiple times in the head. Even deformed/inbred/mutated humans can't survive a double tap to the head. This won't kill a ghost, but a shotgun shell of rock salt will slow it down.

#2 After your psycho/creature is incapacitated or 'dead,' cut off the head. This might seem gruesome, but trust me, it is necessary. This works well with vampires as well.

# 3 Once the head or other extremities haev been removed and dispersed (no chance it can regenerate or be put back together) LIGHT IT ON FIRE. Stick around and watch it burn. I know you will want to run away, but you want to be 100% sure that thing is not coming back for you at any time. Trust me, you will not be sorry.

These tips might seem rather violent and gruesome, but isn't that why we love our horror movie to begin with??

Old School Writings....

I was looking around on my computer last night and found my "writing journal" from my Intro to Creative Writing class 4 YEARS AGO. It was quite entertaining. I thought I would share a sample of something I wrote (without edits)....I hope my writing has improved since then! :)

It has all the requirements you need to study, from books and magazines to computers with the internet. It is supposed to be a place of learning and meditation, but the library is most likely to be a social hot spot. Jimmy sits at his cubicle and cunningly pulls out a book so he doesn't look unprepared. He carefully maneuvers his book so he can watch the world around him instead of studying. He spies a girl in a pink Barbie kiddy pool, rehearsing her synchronized swimming routine. The water splashes out of the pool, flowing and puddling into the corner of the room. The air is so cold that the water freezes and forms a perfect ice skating rink. Students stroll up wearing their skates, jump onto the ice, and begin twirling. All of this is going on next to the boy playing his guitar. He strums his guitar, writing the next big hit. Jimmy looks toward the door and in prances an elephant behind its trainer. The elephant rises, balances on two feet, then collapses to the ground, causing a minor earthquake. Books rattle on the shelves; a few falling out of place and piling up on the ground. The Outdoor Sports Club uses the mountain of books as rock climbing practice. Behind all of the computers, some students have set up targets for archery practice. With arrows whizzing overhead, Jimmy looks down and writes the first paragraph of his English essay.

It's amazing that I am not yet a published author! :)

Survival Guide Cont....

You still haven't listened. You broke the first rule, and watched the second rule in action. You found the remains of your friends, maybe an arm or eyeball from the boy who went to peak into the darkened room. You have now entered the horror movie, and there is no going back. Once the first person has died, it is now kill or be killed. Here are some tools that should always carry with you/begin to find now that you are in the horror film:

It may not be practical to carry around a double barrel shotgun in your purse, or a wooden stake to kill a vampire, but you should ALWAYS have a cell phone/radio. Make sure the battery is chargered and have it with you at all times--never hesitate to use it. They won't kill you for making a bad 9-1-1 call, but not making the call might get you killed.

Holy Water-- this might seem a little crazy, but ya never know when you'll need to burn a vampire, witch, ghost, or whatever. BE PREPARED!

FLASHLIGHT! Idiots that go in the dark without one DESERVE to die. They having amazing LED lights you can attach to keys and everything.

Pencils: Can be used as a wooden stake to kill vampires (See Buffy the Vampire Slayer). Also, can be used against humans. Remember the scene in The Dark Knight: "Wanna see a magic trick?" I'm just saying, getting stabbed with a pencil will hurt.

Ligther/Matches: Fire is very helpful in pretty much any situation. Blowing things up and burning them down can help you escape. As part of the guaranteed survival, you need to burn the corpse of whatever was hunting you, just to make sure it is DEAD! Also, you need to burn the bones of a ghost who is haunting you.

Silver Bullet: this is optional. Since Twilight has forced its way into pop culture, vampires and werewolves aren't as scary as they used to be. Sorry Jacob Black, but I'll shoot first and ask questions later.

Of course you should gather other weapons as you go on...pitchfork, knife, gun, sickle, whatever. Take whatever you feel is necessary. "Better safe than Sorry" is 100% true in horror situations.

For more suggestions on tools/weapons you'll need, watch "Supernatural" and study the contents of Sam and Dean's truck. If you'll need it, they'll have it.

(PS: Evan R. Lawson, CFO of Hank Med is in Splinter!)

Life Goals

I have many goals in my life: see FC Barcelona play at the Camp Nou, write a best selling novel,cure cancer, establish world peace, marry Sergio Busquets, and a few other noble goals that would make the world a better place. I also have some more realistic or shameful goals. My secret shame is that I desperately want to be in a Syfy/Hallmark/Lifetime movie, mostly because being in a movie on any of these networks requires little(or no)talent and skill. I might never make it to Hollywood, but my chances of being eaten by a mutant monster, escaping an abusive relationship, or dealing with teen pregnancy are much higher. My mom and sister also seem to think a good goal would be to guest star on a Spanish telenovela, playing the white fed-ex girl or something (must see "Psych" episode)....maybe I could also be a WWE diva, but then I would have to create a ridiculous stage name and foreign accent. That takes a little more effort and creativity. Hey, at least I would be on TV! Don't judge, it is important to have goals....

Brangelina split???

Recently the entertainment world was rocked with rumors of a possible Brangelina split. OMG!! How will the world survive? Rumors first surfaced that the couple fought about Brad's home in New Orleans and his wanting to spend more time there with the kids. Apparently, Angelina hates the city and refuses to be a part of his humanitarian efforts there. The next rumor was that Angelina cheated with a dialect coach from her new movie. Really?? Because of this, Brad supposedly bought a "bachelor pad" in California. (And maybe to escape her manic episodes???)

The best rumor comes from E!'s website: Brad is wandering about looking and SMELLING like a homeless person because he is so distraught over the split. Oh how the mighty (aka:"Sexiest Man Alive") are fallen.

Despite not being seen together in public for (gasp!) almost an entire month, reps for both actors state the couple is "going strong" and rumors of a separation are false. Isn't that always the case? For once I would like a couple to admit, why yes, the rumors are true and she left his sorry ass because he cheated with half of America. (yes, you Tiger!) Or, maybe that he got the hell outta there because she is one crazy witch. (kate/jon gosselin??) A little honesty would be nice. Instead, they drag it on and on, until, ok, yeah, they finally admit that they have both agreed to separate.

These are some reasons I like to hear: It is the best option for the family. They are focusing on their respective careers. They remain dedicated parents and close friends. They both decided it was best for both parties to part at this time. Their agents should get bonuses for how they word the announcements of separation/divorce.

Well, if the rumors are true, Hollywood will be heartbroken, and gossip magazines will be thrilled. Angelina will adopt another child (maybe Haitian?), get a tattoo and break up another marriage. Brad will shave off that horrendous beard and run back to Jen. Jen will slam the door on his cheatin' butt and go do some yoga....I love Hollywood couples!