Bad Baby Names--Do you hate your child???

After watching Harry Potter the other night, I had a semi-revelation. If I ever married a guy with the last name Potter, I would feel it necessary to name my son Harry, not really because I am a Harry Potter fan (which I am), but just because it would be too perfect. I don't know if that makes me a nerd or not, but how often would this happen. I'm sure he would be made fun of for the rest of his life. I think it would be terribly fun to call him Harry Potter (said with the overly British accent). Would that make me an evil parent?

This got me thinking about names parents give their children. Many celebrities have done much worse than Harry Potter. One of the worst I can think of is Pilot Inspektor, yes with a K, really??!?! So, I submit a list of other wacky/crazy/bad celebrity baby names:
Zuma- Gwen Stefani
Apple and Moses- Gwenyth Paltrow (MOSES--are you KIDDING ME?)
Barron- Donald Trump
Kal-El- Nic Cage (is it okay to name your son after Superheroes?)
Moon Unit and Dweezil- Frank Zappa
Fifi Trixibelle, Heavenly Tiger Lily, Little Pixie- Paula Yates
Satchel- Mia Farrow/Woody Allen (what, "Briefcase" didn't sound good enough?)
Audio Science- Shannyn Sossamon (I can't even respond to this! What do you call him?)
Moxie Crimefighter, Zolten- Penn Jillette
Seven Sirius- Erykah Badu (she must have seen the Seinfeld episode and Harry Potter!)

The list could go on forever...these kids are lucky they are "rich" and know other celebrity kids with crazy names, otherwise you know they would just get their butts kicked every day at school. I think there should be some kind of naming restrictions/limitations imposed. And no naming kids after fruit...

Anyway, I have to admit, after thinking about the Harry Potter thing, I may understand a LITTLE bit more why people name their kids such crazy things. It's kinda fun and you can end up calling them whatever you want. Name him Harry Potter and call him Joe or something. Just a final piece of advice: when you go to name your child, ask yourself, Do I hate my child?

I sleep with a hammer next to my bed....

I have an irrational fear of the dark. I hate not being able to see what is around me, or if someone is sneaking up on me. (Why someone would be sneaking up on me, I don't really know, but it could happen!) I can’t remember when exactly this happened, but even as a 20-something year old, I hate the dark and sleep with a hammer next to my bed…too uncomfortable for under the pillow. Some people ask, why a hammer? Won’t that be messy? I feel that too many things can go wrong with a gun. Plus, I don’t have to shoot to kill, I can knock out a few knee caps, smash the fingers….plus it’s easier to use. There is absolutely no chance of a misfire/other mechanical malfunction with a hammer.

But back to my fear of the dark… At my parent’s house in CA, I refuse to go outside when it is dark. Once the sun is down, I am inside for the night. I won’t even go on the front porch, opening the door is pushing it as well. On the occasions that I return home after dark, I RUN into the house, never looking back. I imagine I look like a COMPLETE idiot...it's almost painful to think about.

The sad thing is that I am almost more afraid of the “supernatural” than someone actually attacking me( I blame Hollywood and Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles for that), although the hammer is for intruders. And now, I have a double barrel shotgun in my closet, just in case the hammer isn’t enough. I don’t know if I would actually use this against an intruder, but it does make me feel better knowing it is there each night. So, to would be intruders: Trespassers will be shot or bludgeoned to death by hammer. You were warned.

My dream is to have a '67 Impala with an arsenal in the trunk like in the picture... by the way, the pic is from Supernatural, of course!

Quotes Round 2

Some more to share for Monday:

“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” J.K. Rowling (yes, this is from Harry Potter!)

“Don’t use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.” Kurt Vonnegut

“I can see the sun, but even if I cannot see the sun, I know that it exists. And to know that the sun is there—that is living.” Fyodor Dostoevsky

“If you haven’t the strength to impose your own terms upon life, then you must accept the terms it offers you.” T.S. Eliot

“If funkytown were a trailer park, this guy would be a double wide.” Maya Angelou (I love this woman!!)

“And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” J.K. Rowling (Ms. Rowling, you are my hero!!!!)

“Insanity is relative. It depends on who has locked who in what cage.” Ray Bradbury

“The insane, on occasion, are not without their charms.” Kurt Vonnegut (He is AWESOME!)

“The writer is always tricking the reader into listening to their dream.” Joan Didion

“I’ve never any pity for conceited people, because I think they carry their comfort about them.” George Eliot

The Case of the Vanishing Socks....

Okay, we all do laundry and sometimes things go missing. Really, where do those socks go? How is it possible to put 4 socks in the washer and take 3 out of the dryer. I want Mythbusters to investigate this for me! What is the mystery of the missing sock? This is what I think really happens…

Washer: I love the new laundry soap these folks got, it leaves a minty-fresh taste in my mouth…that old juice was like having a bouquet of flowers shoved down my throat.

Dryer: I wish they would switch the dryer sheets. All they buy are the cheap store brand sheets that have no taste. You are so lucky that you get to have fun tastes and refreshing flavors.

Washer: I know! Laundry day is coming up. I hate these days of no action and then they just pile it all on you in one day. It’s just work, work, work! They make you stay up until all hours of the night. It is so frustrating. And they always blame me for all the socks you lose.

Dryer: I am not the one who loses the socks. They never make it in here. I think that you are doing something with them, because there is no possible way that they could mysteriously disappear. What, do they just jump out, last time I checked, socks were just a bunch of old fabric, they are not real. I don’t know why you are making such a big deal about this.

Washer: I hate getting accused of losing socks. It is bad enough that they blame me when their clothes bleed together and they end up with pink sheets, but they should be smart enough to know not to mix whites and reds. It's not that hard to remember!

Dryer: Yeah, right that was entirely your fault! Don’t try to blame them! You had those rust stains and that is what caused the whites to change colors, don’t blame them for something that is your fault.

Washer: You have a lot of nerve saying that…Sock Eater!

Dryer: Color Bleeder!

Washer: That’s it, I am never talking to you again…take all the socks that you want. It’s not my problem

Dryer: Whatever, you probably steal the socks to hide the color damage.

Washer: You are so pathetic!!
Dryer: Whatever…
(wow, i guess in my head the washer and dryer sound juvenile/valley girl!)

Washer and Dryer had fallen asleep. They were exhausted from the previous day--laundry day. The dryer door slowly opened, two eyes peered out into the darkness…I think the coast is clear…let’s make a run for it! And with that the socks hopped down out of the dryer and made their way to freedom.

Somewhere there is a colony of socks, soaking up the rays on a beach. That’s where I would be if I had to be shoved on people’s smelly feet all day.... Really, Jamie and Adam, investigate this please! I would like my socks back!

Quotes

So, recently I have been looking up quotes from some of my favorite authors (plus a few actors)—you can probably tell since I have added some of them to my blog! I decided to share a few on random topics. Some are fun, or poignant, or just plain awesome. This is why I love reading. These are my heroes! I hope you find some you like!

“At some point in life, the world’s beauty becomes enough. You don’t need to photograph, paint, or even remember it. It is enough.” Toni Morrison

“How can anyone deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It is beyond me.” Zora Neale Hurston

“Trees and plants always look like the people they live with somehow.” Zora Neale Hurston

“Given the choice between the experience of pain and nothing, I would choose pain.” William Faulkner

“I’m bad, and I’m going to Hell, and I don’t care. I’d rather be in Hell than anywhere you are.” William Faulkner

“Even amidst fierce flames, the golden lotus can be planted.” Inscribed on Sylvia Plath’s tombstone

“There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won’t cure, but I don’t know any of them.” Sylvia Plath

“I don’t care what the critics say. My fabulous mom will give me a good review if nobody else does.” Ginger Rogers

“Old age is no place for sissies.” Bette Davis

“That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal, that you’re not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.” F. Scott Fitzgerald

“You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you odd.” Flannery O’Connor

“Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.” Kurt Vonnegut

“Nothing is as obnoxious as other people’s luck.”
F. Scott Fitzgerald

I’ll post some more later…
Oh yeah, the picture isn't creepy, I like it--the book is reaching out to her, get it?? :)

Frankenfish!

The other day on the Syfy channel, there was a movie entitled, “Frankenfish.” It was a FABULOUS story of a giant mutated/engineered fish that roamed the Louisiana Bayou eating people. This made me think of my goldfish I had in college. My roommate and I broke the dorm rules and got fish. It started with a grand adventure to Wal-Mart. We were suckers for the 4 for $1 goldfish bargain. We started out with a fish bowl/cheap decorative vase. This didn’t end well: too many fish, not enough air. The next day, we already had a dead floater. Within a few days, all the fish died. Wow, that was not what I wanted to happen.

So we tried again and got more fish. We did a little better, worked out the clean water/air situation, but these were violent fish. The fish actually started attacking each other, fighting for air or space—very Gladiator like. We had to take one out and put her in her own bowl. We thought she was dead. She was missing scales and covered in blood. This fish became the most hardcore, violent fish I have ever seen, a true FRANKENFISH. It ate/attacked any other fish it encountered. It’s name was Domino, after the “bounty hunter” Domino Harvey (don't judge us-we had just watched the movie). We ended up having to keep her separated because she was so vicious.

Some of our fish became suicidal, or they were simply trying to escape Domino. One day we were chilling and the fish just leaps out of the bowl, splattering on the floor, thrashing about on the carpet. Did that really just happen? I thought that only happened in cartoons!

Another time a fish just disappeared. It might have been kamikaze fish, but we believe it fell victim to demented Domino. Wake up feed 4 fish. Go to class/work. Come home, only 3 fish. I'm not a Math major, but I'm pretty sure 3 is less than 4, and fish just don't disappear. Huh, no fish body lying around near the tank. ! Just vanished, gone…DOMINO??!?!!

When my roommate moved out, she and her husband got an actual tank and took Domino. We hoped the ample space and diversity of fish would settle her down a bit, but no luck! Yet again she continued to eat smaller fish, or ferociously attacking them until they only had one fin, kinda like Nemo, but not as cute. I feel a little bad for creating such a monster fish. I’m just glad she couldn’t mutate into a 30 footer and swallow me whole… I know she would have. Four years later, I’m pretty sure Domino is still alive, terrorizing more poor little fish. I think that she and Frankenfish could have been best buddies! (if they weren't trying to kill each other!)

Anyway, I guess the point of this rant is that I can see how the fish became so psycho and began eating everyone. For once, I actually understood a Syfy movie. Huh, who knew???

(The tagline for this film is: Welcome to the bottom of the food chain! I really need to get a job writing for these people! Genius!)

Is anyone an Airport Baggage Handler???

The other night I went to the airport to pick up my brother and sister-in-law. Their flight arrived 30 minutes early, but it still took over an hour to get the bags. As we stood waiting at the baggage claim area, I had a REVELATION. One of the best people to know or have a connection with is the person who unloads the bags and puts them on the conveyor that shoots said bags up to baggage claim.

Imagine if you knew such a person in at least one airport. You could give them a heads up with your flight and luggage description and they could ensure it was one of the first pieces unloaded. Is it just me, or would that be AMAZING?!?!?

It always seems that the person who owns the first bags to come out are never there on time. That lucky person isn’t there to appreciate such a gift. Their bags seem to circle...looping around, making you feel even more depressed that your bags are never going to come out. The people diligently waiting and searching for their bags always seem to be the ones who have to wait the longest.

Then the moment happens and, yeah, happy feeling. That moment you see your bag peeking up on the belt. Total rush of adrenaline as you bolt up, pushing past anyone in your way, all to assert your dominance and let them know that you are victorious. Yes, that is MY bag. All you suckers have to keep waiting, not ME. That is MY bag and now I can leave!

I’ve never won the lottery (and am still bitter with HGTV Dream Home Giveaway) but I would imagine that feeling is similar to being one of the first people to retrieve their luggage. Or maybe I just exaggerate a bit....

So, any baggage handlers out there, I admire you, and I would like to be your friend.

(And yes, that is Yoda in the picture! He just uses The Force to get his bags! Jealous!)