Superpower

If you could have any super-power what would it be? This question pops up every now and then. I have changed my mind many times, but I think I finally decided that Teleportation/Apparating/Orbing would be the best power.

Ok, flying would be great, but it still takes time, messes up your hair, and requires a certain attire (Superman Cape). Invisibility is handy for spying, gathering information, even for safety reasons, but there are still ways for people to find out where you are (throwing dust on you, etc..).

X-ray vision: we have machines that can do that. But Clark Kent (aka Tom Welling) does look pretty dang good using his X-ray vision! :)

Aquaman's powers: to be honest, a bit creepy. He's like half fish. Don't get me wrong, I love the water, but I'm not THAT impressed.

Being able to instantly travel whether it is 6 feet or 6,000 miles, would be AMAZING. Forget airport lines, security and baggage restrictions. Hhhmmm, it is raining here, but it’s summer in Australia, let me just…oh look, I’m there. Instantaneous! What, there is gonna be a terrorist attack across the country in 5 minutes…..flash, you’re there. I don't think Superman could fly that fast! Think of all the time that could be saved. Wait, the store closes in 10 minutes...flash, you're there! AWESOME!! I am getting a little depressed now that I can’t teleport. Maybe if I sit here and think hard enough.........................................nope, still here. I’ll keep practicing.

Back When.....

So, the other day, Justin and I were at Home Depot getting some random stuff. As we went to check out, I noticed the Hubba Bubba Bubble Gum Tape set up with all the candy and goodies you find at the cashier. It had been YEARS since I had seen, let alone, bought some. I was amazed. All of the sudden, a rush of childhood memories came flooding back. Trying to shove all 6 feet of Bubble Tape in my mouth, good times!!

Then I got to thinking about all the other great toys and foods from my childhood that we don't really have anymore. I can vividly remember by "skip-it." It was the "Barbie" hot pink plastic material, with the counter on the end to tell you how many times you could "skip-it." Pretty soon, I was remembering great TV shows that used to be on. Classic cartoons like, Smurfs, Snorks, Gummi Bears, Bionic 6, Thundercats (HHHOOOO!), Care Bears, heck, even My Little Pony. They just don't make good cartoons like the used to. The other day, I saw a preview for some crazy mermaid Barbie cartoon, with the weird computer imaging or whatever...not like the classic Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid, and how all the other Disney cartoons were done.

Man, then the whole snowball effect has taken place. Then I got to thinking about the crazy shows and toys kids have these days. I remember wanting a Barbie Jeep so badly...one that I could drive around myself. Nowadays, my 4-year old nephew has his own John Deere Gator that he cruises around on. WHAT?? And, working with 1st graders in the computer lab. These kids are going on the internet, IMing, emailing, all sorts of crazy stuff. I remember when I was in 1st grade, we got to use the computers to use Encarta Encyclopedia to look up information. And then they would let us use Paint to make pretty pictures. Now, these kids are downloading images, and all sorts of stuff. Makes me feel like I was kinda stupid...no, they just have more access to the technology than I did.

Yes, all of this started from buying a single container of Hubba Bubba Bubble Gum Tape. "Six Feet of Fun." Sure makes me miss being a kid.

Olympic Fever

I find that there is something almost magical about the olympics. I enjoy watching sports, but mainly only soccer. Once the olympics come on, I will watch sports I've never heard of or would never watch by choice. (ie, curling, alpine skiing,speed skating, hockey...) And yet, here I am, cheering for the US curling team, watching the US men's hockey team beat Canada, and cheering for CHINESE pairs figure skating. Yes, I really wanted the cute Chinese couple to win, even if my brother called me a communist. Also, I actually got a little teary-eyed when Canada won its first gold medal, I mean really, but I was proud and excited for them. And heck, what about when they show the medal ceremonies, each time an American wins a gold and the flag goes up, and the National Anthem plays, it gives a sense of pride and emotion, something you wouldn't really expect, or at least I wouldn't. In times of turmoil or recession, or whatever, it makes you proud to be American, Canandian, or whatever, to see people representing your nation, doing their best, and making their families proud. (Don't you remember "Cool Runnings??") Anyway, I hope others are enjoying the Olympics and take a moment to feel good about the world coming together for some good old sports competition!!! :) Congrats to the US for doing so well!

Reality TV Has Ruined America

I like to say that reality shows/tv has ruined America, especially teenagers. Thanks MTV! (cue song "1985": and music still on MTV!) Geez MTV, haven't you ruined enough of America without introducing JERSEY SHORE! Why did you introduce these Darwin Award Winners to society. I've never seen the show...I'm too scared my IQ will actually drop 30 points if I do. Luckily, Joel McHale gives me highlights, or lowlights, from the show....Yeah for The Soup!

I would like to put special blame on Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, aka 'Speidi." They live in a delusional world and believe they really are famous. It is more like driving by a car wreck, you might slow down and see what is happening, but in the end, you keep on driving. I like to refer to them as stray cats...if you don't feed they will go away. Dear media outlets, stops giving them attention and maybe Speidi will GO AWAY! Addicted to plastic surgery?? She now looks more like a 40 yr old transvestite.

What about the Gosselins...who would have thought that Jon would actually make Kate look good! Ed Hardy can thank Jon for making their brand synonymous with "douche bag." That's gotta hurt.

Killing the Beast

This is the MOST important rule to abide by (other than #1: prevention). It might seem like a simple or obvious enough statement, but the point is to MAKE SURE the creature IS dead. How many times have we seen the horror movie sequel because the bad guy wasn't really dead? Or Maybe at the very end of the movie, when the survivors think they are home safe, we see a flash of a hook or sickle to finish the job. Here are some GUARANTEED tips to make sure your beast is dead.

#1 The Double Tap: Don't just shoot once, MAKE SURE he/she/it is down. Empty the clip into the head or heart. If you don't have a gun, hit it multiple times in the head. Even deformed/inbred/mutated humans can't survive a double tap to the head. This won't kill a ghost, but a shotgun shell of rock salt will slow it down.

#2 After your psycho/creature is incapacitated or 'dead,' cut off the head. This might seem gruesome, but trust me, it is necessary. This works well with vampires as well.

# 3 Once the head or other extremities haev been removed and dispersed (no chance it can regenerate or be put back together) LIGHT IT ON FIRE. Stick around and watch it burn. I know you will want to run away, but you want to be 100% sure that thing is not coming back for you at any time. Trust me, you will not be sorry.

These tips might seem rather violent and gruesome, but isn't that why we love our horror movie to begin with??

Old School Writings....

I was looking around on my computer last night and found my "writing journal" from my Intro to Creative Writing class 4 YEARS AGO. It was quite entertaining. I thought I would share a sample of something I wrote (without edits)....I hope my writing has improved since then! :)

It has all the requirements you need to study, from books and magazines to computers with the internet. It is supposed to be a place of learning and meditation, but the library is most likely to be a social hot spot. Jimmy sits at his cubicle and cunningly pulls out a book so he doesn't look unprepared. He carefully maneuvers his book so he can watch the world around him instead of studying. He spies a girl in a pink Barbie kiddy pool, rehearsing her synchronized swimming routine. The water splashes out of the pool, flowing and puddling into the corner of the room. The air is so cold that the water freezes and forms a perfect ice skating rink. Students stroll up wearing their skates, jump onto the ice, and begin twirling. All of this is going on next to the boy playing his guitar. He strums his guitar, writing the next big hit. Jimmy looks toward the door and in prances an elephant behind its trainer. The elephant rises, balances on two feet, then collapses to the ground, causing a minor earthquake. Books rattle on the shelves; a few falling out of place and piling up on the ground. The Outdoor Sports Club uses the mountain of books as rock climbing practice. Behind all of the computers, some students have set up targets for archery practice. With arrows whizzing overhead, Jimmy looks down and writes the first paragraph of his English essay.

It's amazing that I am not yet a published author! :)

Survival Guide Cont....

You still haven't listened. You broke the first rule, and watched the second rule in action. You found the remains of your friends, maybe an arm or eyeball from the boy who went to peak into the darkened room. You have now entered the horror movie, and there is no going back. Once the first person has died, it is now kill or be killed. Here are some tools that should always carry with you/begin to find now that you are in the horror film:

It may not be practical to carry around a double barrel shotgun in your purse, or a wooden stake to kill a vampire, but you should ALWAYS have a cell phone/radio. Make sure the battery is chargered and have it with you at all times--never hesitate to use it. They won't kill you for making a bad 9-1-1 call, but not making the call might get you killed.

Holy Water-- this might seem a little crazy, but ya never know when you'll need to burn a vampire, witch, ghost, or whatever. BE PREPARED!

FLASHLIGHT! Idiots that go in the dark without one DESERVE to die. They having amazing LED lights you can attach to keys and everything.

Pencils: Can be used as a wooden stake to kill vampires (See Buffy the Vampire Slayer). Also, can be used against humans. Remember the scene in The Dark Knight: "Wanna see a magic trick?" I'm just saying, getting stabbed with a pencil will hurt.

Ligther/Matches: Fire is very helpful in pretty much any situation. Blowing things up and burning them down can help you escape. As part of the guaranteed survival, you need to burn the corpse of whatever was hunting you, just to make sure it is DEAD! Also, you need to burn the bones of a ghost who is haunting you.

Silver Bullet: this is optional. Since Twilight has forced its way into pop culture, vampires and werewolves aren't as scary as they used to be. Sorry Jacob Black, but I'll shoot first and ask questions later.

Of course you should gather other weapons as you go on...pitchfork, knife, gun, sickle, whatever. Take whatever you feel is necessary. "Better safe than Sorry" is 100% true in horror situations.

For more suggestions on tools/weapons you'll need, watch "Supernatural" and study the contents of Sam and Dean's truck. If you'll need it, they'll have it.

(PS: Evan R. Lawson, CFO of Hank Med is in Splinter!)